I just threw away 2 big boxes of my old things - stuff that meant something to me a few years ago but are nothing now but garbage. There were old papers from when I was still studying and staying at a dormitory, empty containers of perfumes and presents, tarnished pieces of fancy jewelries, useless receipts, an ostrich's egg shell, a lot of cut-outs and photographs - all but tiny memories that I'm very much willing to let go.

It felt good.

Thinking about it, I never got to collect a lot of material things, especially expensive ones, but it doesn't bother me that much. I used to have a tower of DVDs but after the flood swept away the things I used to treasure (including most of my books and cameras), I just want to get rid of anything that was left - just to clear out my surroundings. And probably because most of those things remind me of the past.

I just want to move forward.

But no matter how I try escaping the past, I always find myself in the same path. A couple of days ago, I drowned myself in misery as I re-watched both Chungking Express and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, only a few hours apart. Films appear lovelier when seen the nth time around. I start noticing the littlest details, details I never thought of seeing the last time I saw the picture.

Sometimes, backgrounds are more powerful than foregrounds. Like flickering lights, accidental noises, or occasional blurs and whirs. Every little happenstance seemed to have a role of its own.

Some lines remain (or even surpass) as striking as the first time I've heard or read them.

"Password: Love You for 10,000 Years"

"I could die right now. I'm just happy. I've never felt that before. I'm exactly where I want to be."

At the end of each film, you just lie on your bed, restless, and hopeless. And hopeless. And h o p e l e s s . . .